回忆是一件痛苦的事情。但又不得不每天回想起往事。那就像一块巨大的阴影使我无法摆脱往常在梦里回到过去那些不堪回首的日子。
我的名字是梅子
我出生在中国北方的黑龙江省，我的父亲是个酒鬼，经常看见他喝酒了回到家里打我的母亲，母亲无法忍受，离家出走了，后来被父亲着回家，打得更凶了。弟弟因此缀学了。我一直生活在恶梦之中
几年后父亲去逝了，我们才过上安静的生活。上大学时我有个男朋友，他也非常大男子主义，他不让我画画，甚至规定我几点回家，交什么样的朋友，不能和男生说话。当时我非常痛苦，后来我还是离开了他，到处求学
现在我住在北京，大一所大学教书。回想起来，不敢相信那些往事。
[袖子：
如果有来生我不想为人
最大的希望是能早日离开]

Memory is a painful thing. But I have no choice but to recall the past every day. It is like a huge shadow that makes me unable to get rid of it; in dreams I often return to those unbearable days of the past.
My name is Meizi. I was born in Heilongjiang Province, in northern China. My father was a drunkard; I often saw him come home drunk and beat my mother. My mother could not endure it and ran away from home, but later she was found by my father and brought back, and the beatings became even more severe. Because of this, my younger brother dropped out of school. I lived in a nightmare all the time. A few years later, my father passed away, and only then did we live a quiet life.
When I was in college, I had a boyfriend. He was also very male‑chauvinist. He would not let me paint, even set rules about what time I should come home, what kind of friends I could make, and that I could not talk to boys. At that time I was very miserable. Later, I left him and went everywhere to study.

Now I live in Beijing and teach at a university. Looking back, I can hardly believe those past events.

If there is another life, I don’t want to be human. My greatest wish is to leave this world soon.

我叫王淑范住在黑龙江省依兰县我十八岁结婚丈夫比我大二岁结婚没多久他就开始喝酒，为了孩子我一直忍耐。我真想杀了他。后来他自己死了。我后来又找了一个男人，生活到現在。現在我老了，孩子也长大了。

My name is Wang Shufan and I live in Yilan County, Heilongjiang Province. I married at eighteen; my husband was two years older than me. Not long after we married, he began to drink. For the sake of the children, I endured. I really wanted to kill him. Later he died. Afterwards I found another man and have lived with him up to now. Now I am old, and the children have grown up.

毕业后我来到珠海做一名教师，经人介紹和我現在的丈夫結婚，婚后有了一个孩子。孩子出生不久，就发現他有了外遇，越来越少回家，也不想和我说話。我很难过，想离婚，但是看到刚出生的孩子又不想他这么小就没有父亲，所以一直忍耐到现在。

After graduation, I came to Zhuhai to be a teacher. Through someone’s introduction, I married my current husband, and after marriage we had a child. Not long after the child was born, I discovered that he was having an affair, came home less and less, and did not want to talk to me.
I was very sad and wanted a divorce, but seeing the newborn child, I did not want him to be without a father at such a young age, so I have endured it until now.

我一直的理想就是过平常人的生活，找一个本份的男人然后生孩子，过平静的日子。24岁时我结婚了，丈夫是一个公务员。我们有俩个孩子。日子一天一天地过去，但我们之间的夫妻生活却越来越少
现在已经12年没有过了。他就像一块木头，每天生活都在继续但我好像已经死了，对我他也越来越不耐烦。有一次  我一直都以为是我不好，我的原因。做后发现他在外面有了不知多少的女人。半生过去了，我却发现我一直生活在谎言中。

My lifelong ideal has always been to live the life of an ordinary person, to find an honest man, then have children, and live peaceful days. When I was 24 years old, I got married. My husband was a civil servant. We have two children. Day by day life passed, but the marital life between us became less and less.
Now it has already been 12 years since we last had it. He is like a piece of wood; life continues every day, but I seem to be already dead. He is also becoming more and more impatient with me. At one time, I always thought it was because of me, it was my fault. Later, I found out that he had countless women outside. Half my life has passed, yet I realize I have always been living in lies.

我在学校里上大一的时候认识了我的男朋友。他要考研究生，我就作家教支持他，他考上研究生后就到北京上学了，后来我来到了北京找他，但他已经有新的女朋友了。我和他曾经怀孕过两次，但都流产了，因为他说不是时候，他和我都要上学，但是我的身体受了很大的伤害。那以后一直有忧郁症，也不相信爱情，然后我成了一个小姐。

When I was a freshman at school, I met my boyfriend. He wanted to take the graduate school entrance exam, so I worked as a tutor to support him. After he was admitted to graduate school, he went to study in Beijing. Later, I came to Beijing to find him, but he already had a new girlfriend.
I became pregnant with him twice, but both ended in abortion, because he said it was not the right time — he and I both had to study, but my body suffered great harm.
Since then, I have had depression and do not believe in love, and then I became a prostitute.

中国自古以来崇尚儒家文化，崇尚“父为子纲，夫为妻纲”。父母打孩子，男人打女人天经地义。直到现在，还有很多中国人是这样的观念。我11岁时目睹爸爸打妈妈，从那开始，妈妈经常瞒着爸爸打我。我17岁时，妈妈精神分裂。我23岁时，她离家出走，杳无音信，生死不明。直到我32岁时，她被找到，才知道她一直在外面流浪。她失踪了整整9年，可她回来的时候，我不想见她。也许因为恐惧，她在我心目中还是那个暴力的妈妈，变态的妈妈。也许因为悲伤，我不想看见她那副可怜的样子。我觉得我的能量都被她带走了。我去接受各种各样的艺术治疗，直到我34岁才遇见一位我愿意信任的心理治疗师。我把我的故事拍成了一部电影短片，叫做《迷失》……

Since ancient times, China has admired Confucian culture, and admired “a father is the ruler of the son, a husband is the ruler of the wife.”
It is natural and right for parents to beat children, and for men to beat women. Even until now, many Chinese people still have this kind of view.
When I was 11 years old, I witnessed my father beating my mother. From that point, my mother often secretly hit me without my father knowing.
When I was 17 years old, my mother developed schizophrenia. When I was 23 years old, she ran away from home, leaving no message; her life or death was unknown.
It was not until I was 32 years old that she was found, and only then did I know she had been wandering outside all that time.
She had been missing for a full nine years, but when she came back, I did not want to see her. Perhaps because of fear, in my mind she was still that violent mother, that perverse mother. Perhaps because of sadness, I did not want to see her pitiful appearance. I feel that all my energy was taken away by her.
I went to undergo various kinds of art therapy. It was not until I was 34 years old that I met a psychotherapist I was willing to trust.
I made my story into a short film called “Lost”…